Last year I entered the New York City Marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing.
The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, “Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?”
I replied: “You really want to know?”
Then I dropped out of the race.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
SIMPLE QUESTIONS... BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ANSWERS?
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
- 116 years
- Ecuador
- Sheep and Horses
- November
- Squirrel fur
- Dogs
- Albert
- Crimson
- New Zealand
Saturday, August 1, 2009
ORGANIC VEGETABLES
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn’t find any.
So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”
“The produce guy looked at me and said, “No. You’ll have to do that yourself.”
So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”
“The produce guy looked at me and said, “No. You’ll have to do that yourself.”
Friday, July 31, 2009
US PRESIDENT
In one of KC’s classes, they were discussing the qualifications to be president of the United States. It was pretty simple - the candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen.
In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. KC and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone’s jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating, “What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?”
In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. KC and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone’s jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating, “What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?”
Saturday, July 11, 2009
LITTLE BOY
Friday, June 5, 2009
ROPES
Two ropes walk in to a bar, one rope calls the bartender and says “Barkeep, let me get a couple of beers.” The bartender says “I’m sorry we dont serve ropes in here.”
Frustrated the ropes walk out and, since this was the only bar in town, they thought about it a little while when finally one rope says “I’ve got an idea.” So he gets him self into a bind and frizzles his ends and walks back into the bar and says “Barkeep, can I get a couple of beers.”
The barkeep says “Sure, but aren’t you those same two ropes that came in here earlier?” The rope answers “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”
Frustrated the ropes walk out and, since this was the only bar in town, they thought about it a little while when finally one rope says “I’ve got an idea.” So he gets him self into a bind and frizzles his ends and walks back into the bar and says “Barkeep, can I get a couple of beers.”
The barkeep says “Sure, but aren’t you those same two ropes that came in here earlier?” The rope answers “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”
Thursday, June 4, 2009
PAY ATTENTION!
A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.
The professor tells the class “In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possess as a doctor – the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.
For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow’s hindquarters, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just stand there, paralyzed at what they see. “Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you,” the professor says.
Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson. “Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow’s butt, and I sucked on my index finger. Now, learn to pay attention.”
The professor tells the class “In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possess as a doctor – the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.
For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow’s hindquarters, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just stand there, paralyzed at what they see. “Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you,” the professor says.
Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson. “Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow’s butt, and I sucked on my index finger. Now, learn to pay attention.”
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